Men nu är det inte bara stundvis längre. Nu är det permanent. Jag vet inte hur jag ska få det att försvinna.
Det som varit så bra i helgen nu. Eller vart det för mycket av det goda? För mycket förhoppningar om framtiden? För mycket glädje?
Borde ha vetat att det skulle gå tillbaka till det här igen. Jag borde inte hoppas på att det ska förbli bra. Blir det någonsin bra?
English:
Now the anxiety tears in me again. Restlessness crawls like ants over the body. The air is hard to pull down. Feel a weight on my chest, as if I had invisible bricks lying there. Have feelt for several hours now that restlessness is stuck. It shakes inside the body. As if all of my body vibrates. And time to time the anxiety has taken hold of me with sharp claws.
But now it's not just time to time no longer. Now it's permanent. I do not know how to make it disappear.
There has been so good this weekend now. Or was there too much of the good? Too much hopes about the future? Too much joy?
Should have known that it would be back to this again. I should not hope that it will remain good. Will it ever be good?
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